The cabbage

The show: JAG
The episode: "Bridging the Gulf," from Season 10.
What happened: Harm investigates an aviator from the USS Kennedy who authorized his gunner to immobilize an Iraqi fisherman's boat that was approaching an oil terminal. Harm concludes Lt. Gutierrez (Randy Lewis Hernandez) was correct to stop the boat, but he soon himself finds himself having to make a similar decision: while getting his F-18 quals, he's diverted to the oil terminal and shoots a Cessna out of the sky before that plane can strike the oil terminal. The plane Harm shot down then turns out to have had an Iraqi dignitary on board. Turner comes aboard to investigate and Harm is grounded but continues his investigation ashore, aided by Col. Najjar (Andrew Divoff) of the Iraqi Army, leading to a climactic shoot-out in which the Iraqi fisherman (Ahmed Ahmed) seems to die and the body of the real Iraqi minister is found in the terrorists' lair. Now cleared, Harm resumes his carrier quals, while Turner escorts the Iraqi fisherman to America to rejoin his family, who were taken over there to put them out of the terrorists' reach.
What doesn't quite make sense: As Turner gets ready to board the COD back to America, the fisherman feels compelled to explain to Turner why he's alive: in order to make sure that the terrorists wouldn't menace the man's family as they made their way out of Iraq, the terrorists had to be made to think that he had died and that therefore there was no reason to go after his family. However, this explanation is really intended for the viewers. I mean, why would Turner care if the fisherman was dead or alive? Turner's investigation was on Harm for blowing up the Cessna, not on Gutierrez for incapacitating the fishing boat. Did the fisherman come aboard the Kennedy prior to the wire operation, or did Turner go ashore at some point that we were not apprised of?
If there is a character who needed that explanation is Col. Najjar, who saw the apparent death of the fisherman and almost avenged him by killing a terrorist he irately described as "the son of a syphalitic whore" (with such badly spelled subtitles, we can only assume the spoken Arabic is not much better). Harm, who seems to have been aware of the strategy, has to make Najjar back down.
While we're on the subject of onscreen text, in the end credits, the actor Nabeel is identified as an "Iraqi soldienr." Actually, there is a character that looks like a lowercase "m" with part of the rightmost line erased to make it look like an "r." In fact that would have worked if you started out with an "n" rather than an "m." To make a mistake like that in Final Cut Pro would actually be an accomplishment, because, as far as I can tell, there is no such character in Unicode.
And another thing: According to the IMDb, an FA-18 can't fly at the same speed as a Cessna, at least not the way they're shown in this episode: Although a Cessna's maximum speed is close to an FA-18's stall speed, "the FA-18 is not flying nose high with flaps extended (to maintain minimum airspeed)." Assuming that's correct, shooting down the Cessna may have been the only thing Harm could possibly have done under the circumstances.
The IMDb also says that Turner's theory "that the Cessna was on autopilot and returned to it programmed destination after Harm tipped it off course" is invalidated by the fact that a Cessna's autopilot function is for a course, not a destination, and thus if it was possible for Harm to nudge the Cessna away from its destination, the Cessna should not have snapped back on course for the oil terminal.
On that last point I'm willing to be a little more forgiving, for after all, Turner is a submariner, not an aviator. It is understandable that he would not know the specifics of the Cessna autopilot, and it is also understandable that Harm, sullen over his career being in Turner's hands, would not volunteer to explain during the preliminary investigation that just the Cessna snapping back on target for the oil terminal was proof enough that it was intended to hit the terminal.
Lastly, if I recall correctly, there was one scene that the USS Kennedy was 47 and another that it was 72. If I'm right, this would mean that those establishing shots are of the real life USS Philippine Sea, CV-47 (decommissioned in 1958) and the real life USS Abraham Lincoln, CVN-72 (which is still in service). Don't worry, I didn't go to Wikipedia for those bits of information, I went to www.navy.mil.

No gray on gay

Maybe the coming out odyssey of Betty's nephew on Ugly Betty is entirely realistic, for after all, given the still rather sparse presence of gay portrayals in our media (including even Broadway musicals written by gay librettists and set to music by gay composers), a young gay boy would first think that he's straight and even have crushes on girls. I know because I dated one such boy in high school.

And yet it seems to me like the writers are beating us over the head with excessively obvious hints that Justin Suarez (Mark Indelicato) is gay. In last week's episode, Marc (Michael Urie), playing a ridiculous pronoun game, got Justin to reveal the name of his acting class crush: Lily, a she. In this week's episode, however, we saw happen what the writers apparently think we couldn't see coming from a mile away: that the real object of Justin's desire in the love triangle is Austin (Ryan McGinniss), who didn't get to kiss Lily onstage but did backstage, and made sure Justin saw them. In the jealous confrontation between the boys that starts out heteronormatively enough, they kiss. It is as obvious to the viewers as it is surprising to the two characters, who had not even admitted to themselves their true orientation.

But let's not forget that straight and gay is not black and white. Whatever gay inclinations all of us have remain for most of us unacted upon to our deaths. However, prior to the new guidelines on homosexuality for the military, bisexuality was just as damning as homosexuality. With this in mind I watched on DVD an episode from JAG's tenth season, "Heart of Darkness." The main plot of that episode concerns the trial in an Islamic court of the "American warlord." In the subplot, Big Bud (Jeff MacKay) is recalled to active duty, something which he wants to avoid at all costs so that he may continue to run his bar and referee women's wrestling.

So Big Bud, after talking to his son the JAG lawyer, gets the idea of faking an addiction to meth. The female corpsman examining him medically sees right through this pretense. Frustrated, Bud claims he's gay and that he finds men attractive. So the woman gets the idea of whispering either sweet nothings or dirty talk in the man's ear (I wonder if female medical professionals in the military in real life would do that), and seeing the, ahem, tent, in the man's hospital gown, is convinced that she has completely foiled his attempt to avoid the recall by manipulating the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

For those of us who watched the show regularly, we know that Big Bud is very much straight, fitting some of the very worst stereotypes of the salty sailor. Therefore, it doesn't occur to us that Bud could be bisexual; whether out of necessity or legitimate desire doesn't actually matter under the military's policy. But it should occur to someone evaluating the fitness for duty of a given patient. All that the female corpsman proved with her performance is that Bud finds her attractive, it doesn't rule out that some man could arouse the same reaction from the subject. Though I suppose we could argue that it is the expression on Bud's face after the corpsman points out his 'tent' that really proves that he's in fact neither gay nor bi, an expression that says "Okay, you caught me in a lie."

Changed premises on convening authorities testifying

In the JAG episode "This Just in From Baghdad," they make a big deal about General Watson (William Russ), the convening authority, testifying in the penalty phase of a court-martial for a Marine blamed for the death of civilian leader in Iraq. Watson explains that he's turned over the duty to a "backup convening authority."

Yet just two episodes later, in "Camp Delta" we have General Spinoza (Julius Carry) convening a court-martial for Army MPs who mistreat a pretend prisoner and testifying at that court-martial without any problem. The explanation that the Army is different doesn't hold any water here, since both the Army and the Navy are subject to the UCMJ (and the episode does bother to explain why a Navy Commander is defending, a Marine Colonel prosecuting and a Navy Captain judging). The only explanation I can think of is that Spinoza did defer to a "backup convening authority" but that part of the episode was cut for time. But even that explanation is lacking, since in the court-martial convened by Watson, the turning over of duties is explained with just two lines of dialogue.

And another thing: what is the point of General Spinoza wearing black stars on the collar of his camouflage jacket but silver stars on his camouflage hat? If he's not worried about snipers taking aim, why not also wear silver stars on his collar?

What's in a title?

I think this is a first for this blog: I'm going to nitpick a title. The tenth season of JAG begins with an episode titled "Hail and Farewell, Part II." That makes sense given that the ninth season ended with an episode titled "Hail and Farewell," which felt a little bit like a cliffhanger, at least in that we were left not knowing who'd replace Admiral Chegwidden nor what Mac told Harm about her medical condition. (Notice that "Part 1" was not labeled "Part I" nor was there a "To Be Continued" title card at the end).

In the so-called "Part 2," we are told that Sturgis is the Acting JAG and that Captain Krennick is being considered as the permanent replacement. But most of the rest of the episode is occupied with a bunch of cloak-and-dagger stuff about Clayton Webb not really being dead. It seems that the writers ran out of cute puns on the spook's name (like "Webb of Lies" and "A Tangled Webb"). But would it have been that hard to come up with something more appropriate to the episode's plot than "Hail and Farewell, Part II," like "Laying Low" or "Mercenary" or "The Hawk"? It's a worse rip-off than the Star Trek: The Next Generation two-parter in which Part 2 completely ignored the Data dreaming storyline presented in Part 1 to focus completely on some boring Klingons.

Call me Vucelich, Chip Vucelich

It's almost not worth mentioning, but in the end credits for "Retrial," the third episode of JAG's tenth season, co-producer Chip Vucelich's name is misspelled as "Chip Veucelich." He's also a unit production manager, and his name is correctly spelled a few screens later for his credit for that job. The IMDb does not notice this, but onscreen-credits.com does (see http://www.onscreen-credits.com/JAG/20041015g.html).

I don't think I noticed this the first time I saw the episode, when it aired, as the end credits were probably crunched to the left or the bottom of the screen to make room for a commercial. On the DVD (which came out just a couple of days ago), with the old-fashioned credits, the misspelled name sticks out like a sore thumb. But don't shed any tears for Chip, he gets plenty of correctly spelled credits on other JAG episodes, as well as Martial Law, Without a Trace and others.

How to name fictional towns in Iraq

Those of you who write JAG or NCIS fanfiction will sooner or later have to name fictional towns in Iraq. There's Baghdad, that's the capital, and even despite our bombing the bejesus out of it, it still lacks that truly rural flavor some of you may want for your fanfics. The problem with picking a real town out of a map is that a soldier or Marine who's actually been there could nitpick your fanfic to death.

So what you do is invent a town in Iraq with the necessary parameters. It has one well, a few camels, whatever you need for your story. What do you call your fictional town? They've had that problem on JAG, and here's their solution: put the letters A, F, I, K, T into a hat. (You can put I in twice if you want). Shake the hat a little, then draw out the letters. In whatever order the letters come out, that's your town. What if you get the three consonants in a row? Just shift one of them out of the way. That's how JAG's writers came up with Tikifa for the episode in which the SecNav is tried in an international court, and Tifka for the episode in which Pfc. Smithfield gets killed and Harm fails at making Bush's "stay the course" doctrine sound any less stupid.

G. I. Joe: A Ridiculous American Hero

Before watching this year's G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, I decided to at least glance at a few episodes of the old TV series. So I watched the first episode of G. I. Joe: A Real American Hero, titled "The Cobra Strikes." It was hilarious. Next time I complain about military inauthenticity in JAG, I will remember G. I. Joe. One thing I remembered about G. I. Joe is that for some reason the elite Joe unit did not care for having some sort of uniform or uniform item unique to them; instead, like superheroes, each Joe indulges his or her own unique fashion.

In that first episode of G. I. Joe, Duke, the leader of the Joes, is talking to one of his colleagues in the middle of an active runway. Yet he complains when a fighter jet passes by and almost smears his guts all over the place. Supposedly all of the Joes are well versed in how to fly jets, and they can take off at the drop of a hat, without a preflight checklist or anything.

Later, Duke goes to a military installation where a three-star General is worried that the place could be infiltrated prior to the launch of the Army's most powerful satellite. For some reason, the General has his cover on. Then there's the bean-counting Major Juanita Hooper, who is also wearing her cover even though at that point we're supposed to understand she's not armed. The General introduces her to Duke, who, without a cover on his head (I don't think he's ever worn one in the show), salutes Major Hooper. (Hooper soon reveals herself as being the Baroness, a member of Cobra).

This show, apparently meant for children, has many scenes of practically raining gunfire, yet hardly anyone tries to obtain cover behind a rock or something, but instead just stand their ground as if the bullets were pellets. I was thinking that maybe in the world portrayed in G. I. Joe, gunfire doesn't kill. But then when Duke shows up at Cobra headquarters and every foot soldier starts shooting at him, the Cobra Commander orders them to stop because he wants Duke alive for his gladiatorial arena.

In a later scene, the animators seem to think that a helicopter maneuvers the same as a fighter jet. Enough. I could go on and on.

The roommate situation

In the JAG episode "A Girl's Best Friend," Chegwidden gets to beat up a shady jeweler while Harm tries to get Coates to move in to a recently vacated apartment in his building so that Matty can move in there, too. Coates at first refuses, even though she's supposedly living with three other female Petty Officers in one cramped place.

I'm not sure there's a nit here, but the situation Coates is in certainly raises some plot credibility questions. Besides a ship (women couldn't serve on a submarine), where else would the Navy cram four women to a room? In the Marine Corps in real life I know that putting four female Lance Corporals in one room is infrequent but not unheard of. At that pay grade, to live at the barracks, you have to have a roommate, unless you wind up being the last odd one (e.g., the 25th woman in a unit with 25 enlisted women living on base). But generally Marines get put two to a room. If you make Sergeant, you most likely get your own room. It would probably take some kind of construction emergency for them to have to put you with a roommate. I don't know much about the Navy base housing situation, but I would imagine that a Petty Officer 2nd Class would have at most one roommate.

But this is all with the assumption that Coates is living on a base. I suppose it's possible that four female Petty Officers would rent a civilian apartment. Since I know next to nothing about real estate prices in Virginia, I'm not sure if that scenario is realistic. It could be. In the show, Coates is convinced to accept Harm's offer when he assures her that he will only pay Matty's half of the rent.

Restricted to quarters means what exactly?

The show: JAG
The episode: "Back in the Saddle," from Season 9, in which Harm's return to JAG is prepared with the arrest of Commander Imes (Dana Sparks), who was supposed to replace him.
What happened: Imes has just begun with her opening statements in the case of some enlisted sailor when military policemen burst into the courtroom and arrest her. Turns out that she exploited a loophole in the law in order to practice law without having passed the bar exam. Chegwidden assigns Mac to defend Imes, who Chegwidden says is "restricted to quarters" at the Anacostia barracks. Mac goes to Anacostia to discuss the case with Imes as they take a scenic walk through the barracks. Meanwhile, Harm is fired from the CIA because in the previous episode he was filmed by a news crew completing a CIA mission. He takes up crop dusting until getting an offer from Chegwidden to have his commission reinstated.
What's wrong with that: If Imes can freely walk the base, then Chegwidden was mistaken in saying that she was restricted to quarters. I don't know if I need to tell you that "quarters" is Navy lingo for someone's room on base or aboard a ship. In the case of an officer ranking high enough, I suppose "quarters" could be used to refer to an entire house on the base.
Now, if Mac ranked higher than Imes (which she doesn't, in this episode), she could tell Imes to take a walk with her. But then, which officer restricted Imes to quarters in the first place? If that was Chegwidden, then Mac unrestricting Imes would mean that Mac is overriding an order from an Admiral. If we're to understand that Imes went straight back to her quarters after her talk with Mac, some laid-back officer might say no harm done. But does Mac strike you as a laid-back officer? Or as more of a by-the-book hard-nosed type? The talk should have taken place in Imes's quarters. Maybe the director was worrying that setting the scene in someone's quarters would make the episode feel too claustrophobic (or at least Mac's plot strand, because Harm's plot strand involves flying a biplane over wide open fields). Or maybe he didn't want to go through the trouble of dressing a set for use as an officer's quarters, given that Imes will be out of the Navy, and presumably the show, after this episode (but such a set could easily been reused for another officer's quarters with some clever redressing). Whatever the reason, the fix is simple: they could've just had Chegwidden say Imes is restricted to barracks rather than to quarters.
And another thing: Doesn't Harm seem just a tiny bit paranoid in assuming that his getting fired from the CIA was Webb's idea? Surely Harm knows how important secrecy is to the CIA, given that he participated in the Angelshark inquiry (in Season 8), and he understands that being plastered all over the news is not conducive to secrecy.

Vicissitudes of rank in Los Angeles

The show: NCIS: Los Angeles
The episode: "Keepin' It Real," first aired last night.
What happened: The crooked Marine Gunnery Sergeant Jerrold Mulhearn (Mark Rolston) attempts to switch $20 million in newly minted U. S. currency destined for shipment to Afghanistan with counterfeit money printed on paper he obtained from Agent Callen (Chris O'Donnell). The Gunny is assigned to a supply depot at Camp Pendleton. Agent Vail (Adam Jamal Craig) puts on a Marine uniform and goes to Pendleton to get Mulhearn's signature on a form, addressing him as "Sergeant." Mulhearn signs the form and gets back to barking orders at his men.
What doesn't quite add up: So Gunny Mulhearn is putting on a Drill Instructor act and he doesn't chew Agent Vail out for calling him just a Sergeant (E-5) when he's a Gunnery Sergeant (E-7)? In fact, that slip-up should've alerted Mulhearn to the fact that someone was on to him. Though I admit I didn't notice what rank insignia Agent Vail was wearing on his Marine uniform. Maybe a Marine won't complain about being called the wrong rank by a higher ranking Marine, but in the case of a Gunnery Sergeant, at the enlisted rank structure that leaves just E-8 and E-9, and someone Vail's age shouldn't attain those ranks. So if Vail was posing as a Marine officer, Mulhearn neglected to call him "sir." Hey, Bellisario: just because JAG is over doesn't mean you don't need military consultants anymore.
And another thing: I don't know how Marine SNCOICs of supply depots run their operation nowadays, but when I served as a supply clerk, I never knew of a supply chief pretending to be a Drill Instructor.

Spell check your English subtitles!

Most of JAG's viewers are not going to know both Spanish and Farsi in addition to English. But when your English subtitles contain spelling errors, you have to start wondering what else might be wrong language-wise with the show. That's what happens in the eighth season JAG episode "Pas de Deux." Around time index 16:40, the Arab terrorists in Paraguay are subtitled saying something about "missles" (I'm guessing that's how the subtitler pronounces the word "missiles"). They're speaking Farsi.

Just a tiny bit earlier, they speak Spanish with Gunny Galindez (Randy Vasquez). The conversation concerns some drugs he just delivered on behalf of a local bad guy. The terrorists don't want to pay Galindez just yet, and they reassure him "You'll be dealt with," according to the subtitles. Actually, that doesn't sound terribly reassuring. With my limited understanding of Spanish, what the terrorists actually tell Galindez is "Te vamos ha cuidar," which translates better to "We'll take care of you." I guess that with the budget the producers couldn't spring for a Spanish consultant. I have to wonder what mistakes there might be in the subtitles for the Farsi dialogue.

Yet more vicissitudes of rank

The show: JAG
The episode: "Second Acts," first aired April 1, 2003, now on Disc 3 of the Season 8 boxed set.
What happened: Stuart Dunston of ZNN shows up at Camp Stronghold Freedom to do a story on the Seabees when a bunch of terrorists show up and start shooting up the place. With little hesitation, Petty Officer Steven Wilson uses his tractor to defend his unit and thwart the terrorists, saving the lives of Stuart and his news crew. Jennifer Bruder recognizes Steven Wilson as Matthew Divine, a man who supposedly died in the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, together with her husband. At first Wilson refuses to tell Jenny what happened to her husband. It takes an administrative separation hearing for Wilson/Divine to admit the truth: With Jenny's husband, he had run a dishonest business operation. On September 11, he promised not to tell Jenny what had happened. He bought a new identity and joined the Navy Seabees.
What doesn't quite add up: Assuming that the events of this episode take place on or around the original airdate of April 1, 2003, this barely gives Steven Wilson 18 months to go from recruit to Petty Officer Third Class. Even if Matthew Divine had prior military experience, as Steven Wilson he couldn't use it to skip E-1. It's my understanding that in the Navy, you need 9 months of service at E-1 and the unit commander's approval to get promoted to E-2 (in the Marine Corps, six months at E-1 with a clean nose are sufficient for promotion). To get to E-3, the Navy requires 9 months at E-2, a couple other qualification and again the unit commander's approval. That's 18 months right there. At that point, if the Navy is hurting for people to do your job at the E-4 level, you might get promoted to E-4. (Doing something heroic like Wilson does at the beginning of the episode might also help). But in the Marine Corps, you'd need still 6 more months of service to attain E-4, and yet another 18 in the Air Force. It's in the Army where you have the best chance to climb up to E-4 in less than 18 months. I don't know if the Navy's rules apply equally to the Seabees, but it seems to me that it would have been much more realistic for Wilson to start the episode at E-3 and then be promoted to Petty Officer in recognition of his actions at Camp Stronghold Freedom.
And another thing: One of the datelines identify Divine's administrative separation hearing as an "Ad Sep Hearing." The Navy likes to abbreviate things, but "administrative separation" is usually shortened to "admin sep."

A bit short of a nit

In the teaser of the JAG episode "Fortunate Son," Marine Lt. Bao Hien (Dustin Nguyen) is apprehended by the INS at a sweat shop exploiting Vietnamese immigrants. Hien shows his military ID card to the arresting INS agent (James Denton, before he hit it big on Desperate Housewives). The ID card Hien carries looks nothing like the one I had when I served (though my service predates this particular JAG episode by a few years). In any case, it's easy for me to accept that in this fictional world, military IDs are very different from those used in real life. What I'm having trouble with is the rank insignia shown on the ID card. It looks like O-3 Captain's bars, but in gold. (Actual military IDs, as I knew them, have the letter dash number rank designation but not a picture of the rank insignia). I paused the DVD and zoomed in, but then I only became more confused. At 4x, it looked like a silver First Lieutenant's bar on a gold field. But even if I was sure of this one way or the other, nits relying on freeze-frame, and worse, freeze-frame with zoom, are inadmissible in this forum.

More vicissitudes of rank

The show: JAG
The episode: "Family Business," first aired October 8, 2002, now on Disc 1 of the Season 8 set.
What happened: Gunnery Sergeant Joe Akers (Tyler Christopher) is accused of killing his wife. He claims it was self-defense and he was the victim of spousal abuse. Harm (David James Elliott), assigned to defend Akers, is frustrated that Akers won't let his son testify. Meanwhile, Bud (Patrick Labyorteaux) almost gives up on his physical therapy because his father won't come visit him in the hospital.
What the writers neglected, again: In Season 6 I complained about a Pfc. being constantly referred to as just "Private." Now, in this episode, both Lieutenant Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie (Catherine Bell) and Harm refer to Gunnery Sergeant Akers as just "Sergeant," or worse, "the Sergeant."
I can kind of understand Harm making that mistake, and I can understand Akers not complaining: in real life, a Gunnery Sergeant wouldn't be afraid to tell an officer not to call him just "Sergeant," but given that the officer in this case is his defense attorney, whose hand he is figuratively tying behind his back by not allowing him to talk to his son, being called two ranks lower just isn't his most pressing problem. But why does Mac also make that same mistake? She's a Marine and she ought to know the Marine enlisted ranks thoroughly. Besides, even though she has not trouble with everyone calling her "Colonel," she certainly wouldn't enjoy being called just "Lieutenant."

Oppressing American women in Saudi Arabia

The writers of the JAG episode "Head to Toe" had their hearts in the right place, but I wonder how aware they are of the excessive power Saudis wield on the United States. Tough the episode, which first aired in 2002, has a disclaimer at the beginning that it's about fictional events, it deals with a real-life Department of Defense regulation which requires female servicemembers to cover themselves almost completely in accordance with Islamic principles when off base. In the story, Harm and Mac defend Lt. Stefanie Donato (Lana Parrilla), who had the temerity to drive a car and show up at a restaurant in Riyadh with her face exposed. Her point that her uniform would be acceptable attire in Brooklyn is countered with the fact that she's in Saudi Arabia. In the end, she is spared from court martial but ordered not to complain any further on the issue. The episode ends with text stating that in January 2002 the DoD rescinded the requirement that women cover themselves up when off base in Saudi Arabia, but kept the requirement that they be escorted by men and they don't drive.

But why did women have to put up with that regulation, in place since 1995? It is mentioned in the episode that Saudi Arabia is an important U. S. ally in the Middle East. What the episode does not mention at all is how powerful Saudi interests have affected America on American soil. When Michael Moore showed up with cameras at the Saudi embassy in Washington, he was shooshed away by the Secret Service. George W. Bush, an honorary Saudi, must have been an excellent choice of U. S. President as far as the Saudis were concerned. So, if a Saudi eccentric were to recruit a bunch of Saudis to destroy an American landmark, he'd be quite safe from American retaliation. Hopefully that will never happen.

Uniform inspection hit for JAG

The show: JAG
The episode: "Measure of Men," first aired October 9, 2001, now available on Disc 1 of the Season 7 set.
What happened: A Marine dies during an amphibious landing exercise, and the Captain Huddleston (CO of the USS Guadalcanal, played by Sam Hennings) blames Major Lasley (Jim Fitzpatrick). Lt. Colonel MacKenzie and Gunny Galindez question the Marines. After talking it over with Galindez, Mac goes see the captain to recommend an Article 32 hearing. Huddleston instead decides to hold a special court martial aboard the ship and asks Mac to prosecute. Mac goes to inform Lasley, when Harm makes a surprising entrance.
The uniform inspection hit: Normally JAG can't be faulted for the military uniform costumes its actors wear. The show's military consultants make sure the uniforms are worn correctly. And when an uniform is worn incorrectly, there generally is an explanation in the plot (e.g., the careless Hollywood actor in the "Field of Gold" episode, Mac in the next episode, "Guilt," in which she gives a Marine emblem off her cover to a little girl). But in this episode, for no good reason, Mac goes see the captain without wearing her Lt. Colonel rank insignia on her uniform.
For most of this episode, the Marines wear their camouflage uniforms (the old ones, prior to the introduction of the "digital" uniforms). Back then, Marine officers were not authorized to use black cloth rank insignia on their camouflage uniforms, like the Army, but instead had to wear the kind of shiny insignia that would benefit an enemy sniper. So Marine officers would just take their insignia off in combat situations. Going to talk to a fellow officer would hardly qualify as a combat situation, trusting that the enlisted men would not confuse them for Privates. Look at the previous scene, the one Mac's talking to Galindez: she's wearing her rank insignia. Look at the next scene, the one she's talking to Lasley: she's also wearing her insignia. So she took off the silver oak leaf to talk to the captain, then put it back on to talk to Lasley?
Of course these scenes were most likely not shot in chronological order. But I'm not quite sure the unusual setup of the scene in question here is enough to justify the military consultants failing to see the lack of silver on Catherine Bell's collar.

The female sharpshooter

The show: JAG

The episode: "Touch and Go"

What happened: Lieutenant Bud Roberts (Patrick Labyorteaux) advises Corporal Lisa Antoon (Jolene Blalock) in her application to Officer Candidate School (OCS). Antoon is an exemplary Marine, the only woman in a Light Armored Vehicle (LAV) platoon. The only obstacle is that her Commanding Officer is demanding a picture of the tattoo on her butt, and she is reluctant to provide such a picture. The Commanding General, who is a woman, refuses an appeal to waive the requirement. In the end, Antoon takes the suggestion from Lt. Simms that Antoon have a female nurse take a picture of the tattoo and attest that it is indeed a picture of Antoon.

What has me wondering: To see Roberts at JAG, Antoon wears a Service Alpha uniform with a Rifle Sharpshooter badge on it. Shouldn't Antoon be a Rifle Expert? Actually, I'd even believe a Rifle Marksman badge on her uniform more than the Sharpshooter badge. Rifle Marksman is the lowest level at which you can qualify, and Rifle Expert is the highest. Rifle Sharpshooter is the middle level, and one which for some reason lots of men qualify at but hardly any women.

The common wisdom is that women are either very good or very bad with rifles. The first time I heard that, I thought that it was a misguided misogynist stereotype, but when I joined the Corps I saw that it's actually true. Many female recruits use up all their chances at the rifle range to obtain a score that is just barely Marksman (if you fail on your first chance, you get Marksman even if your second chance score is Expert-level), and many female recruits get Expert on the first try. Not to toot my own horn, I was one of the latter. You have to qualify each year, and generally career Marines' scores go up each time, until their final years when their scores might take a sharp dive.

In my four years in the Corps, I never saw a woman wearing a Rifle Sharpshooter badge. It is possible that I did see a woman who had earned that badge, but wasn't wearing it on her uniform because you normally don't put shiny things on a camouflage uniform (the episode correctly reflects that in the scenes with Antoon going to the field in camouflage uniform to talk to the CO).

Being in a LAV platoon, Antoon is already quite unique: LAV Marines are practically Infantrymen with cars, so for a woman to be in a LAV platoon is the closest she can get to being Infantry. Would she also be so unique as to have a badge few women earn? And what woman in the military would go out of her way to get a middle-level badge if she can get the top qualification? In the entire run of JAG, I have never questioned Sarah Mackenzie's Rifle Expert and Pistol Expert badges. Would Mac one year decide to mess up a few shots on purpose just to get a Sharpshooter badge?

Of course it's possible that there were women in the Corps who have in fact genuinely scored Sharpshooter and were given the badge. Also, it's possible that the changes made to Marine Corps rifle qualification since JAG went off the air could possibly lead to more women earning Sharpshooter badges. But in a fictional story, is it worthwhile to costume your character in such a way that viewers question the plausibility of the character?

Oh, and before I forget, there is the issue of what the CO does when he gets the picture of the tattooo on Antoon's butt. Without looking at it, he rips it up and discards it. Please. In real life he would've looked at the picture and said something like "Well, um, everything seems to be, um, in order... um, dismissed." The episode doesn't say where exactly on her butt the tattoo is on, but if we take her remark in Bud's office that she's "sitting on it" literally, it would imply it's low on her... you get the picture, no pun intended. Do a Google image search for "Jolene Blalock" and you will find pictures in which she gets pretty close to showing that area, though still leaving unanswered the question of whether or not the actress, like her character, has a tattoo in that area.

By the way, Jolene Blalock was T'Pol on Star Trek: Enterprise. Bill promised me he'll post his nitpicking of the new Star Trek film tomorrow.

The vicissitudes of rank

The show: JAG

The episode: "Retreat, Hell," first aired February 27, 2001, now available on the Season 6 DVDs.

What happened: Chegwidden gives an overview of the case of Private First Class Rafael Jesus Rivera, who acted heroically at Chosin Reservoir yet deserted from the Marine Corps. Now Rivera is asking for veterans' benefits, bringing attention to his desertion. Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez (Randy Vasquez) requests the assignment of escorting Private Rivera to face the music. Once Galindez has taken Private Rivera into his custody, he starts driving him to Albuquerque but is ambushed on the way. Galindez learns that Rivera, who barely knew English back then, could claim some land but needs to hire a lawyer in order to be able to stake his claim. With Chegwidden's help, Galindez and Rivera survive the ambush, and Rivera is finally awarded the medal he earned so long ago in Korea.

What the writers neglected: A lot of servicemembers are very touchy about being called the wrong rank, especially when that rank is lower than their actual rank. For example, Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez probably wouldn't like being called just "Sergeant." And if he made Master Gunnery Sergeant, he wouldn't like being called just "Gunnery Sergeant." A corporal making that mistake would probably get chewed out. But, regardless of rank, a Marine has every right to demand to be addressed by the correct rank and name.

Even a lowly Private. But what the writers neglected to realize is that being a "Private First Class" doesn't mean that you're a first-class Private, but that you're one rank above Private. Of course "Private First Class" can be too long to say sometimes, as in say, combat. Dialogue like this would be ridiculous:

Lopez: "Private First Class John Smith, hand me that ammunition magazine!"

Smith: "Aye, aye, Master Gunnery Sergeant Juan Lopez!"

The proper abbreviation is an acronym: P.F.C. (usually given as "Pfc." in print).

However, it's entirely possible that Rivera doesn't care about whether he's called a Private or a Pfc. If he "hasn't been a Private for fifty years," he probably hasn't been a Pfc. for 49 years and 6 months, or something like that. The problem is that at the beginning of the episode, Chegwidden says Rivera is a Private First Class, but throughout the rest of the episode Rivera is consistently referred to as "Private Rivera," by Galindez and by Chegwidden. When Chegwidden was a Lieutenant Commander, he wouldn't have liked being called "Lieutenant Chegwidden" any more than Galindez would like being called just "Sergeant Galindez" now (though perhaps he would've been OK with just "Commander Chegwidden.") I would think Chegwidden would extend this courtesy to all sailors and Marines.

So either Chegwidden was wrong when he said Rivera was a Private First Class at the beginning of the episode, or both Galindez and Chegwidden were wrong several times for the remainder of the episode. Was Technical Advisor Matt Sigloch absent when they shot the case overview scene?

For how many months do you carry a premature baby?

The show: JAG
The episode: "A Separate Peace," Part II, first aired November 28, 2000, now available on DVD. This episode resumes both the main thread of Part I, the investigation into then-Lt. Boone's alleged war crimes in Vietnam, and the subplot of Bud and Harriet dealing with the loss of baby Sarah. (Terry O'Quinn, more familiar from LOST, is present-day Boone, while Darin Cooper plays the Vietnam-era Boone).
What happened: As Bud buries himself in medical textbooks, Harriet goes see Harm for advice. Harriet tells Harm she carried the baby for nine months.
Why it's not quite right: Though the normal gestation for humans is indeed nine months, writer Stephen Zito apparently forgot to consult with Mark Saraceni, writer of "The Princess and the Petty Officer" (two episodes back) regarding all the details of Harriet's labor. In that episode, Bud and Harriet were caught completely by surprise, and Harriet said to the doctor that there were still weeks left, to which the doctor predictably says that the baby is coming out now anyway. So Harriet only carried the baby for eight months. Though this in no way lessens the tragedy of losing a baby, one would think a mother would not get this fact wrong about her own child, even in a conversation as emotional as the one Harriet has with Harm.

Let's play double jeopardy

The show: JAG
The episode: "The People v. Gunny"
What happened: Gunny Galindez (Randy Vasquez) and his old war buddy (identified for most of the episode only as "Manny," but also wearing Master Sergeant's stripes when in uniform, played by Jesse Corti) leave a noodle house next to a gay bar. A gay man, Edward Proxy (Jamison Jones), innocently bumps into Manny, who immediately assumes the gay man was making a pass at him and retaliates with force. Galindez restrains Manny with the intention of defusing the conflict, but instead Edward takes the opportunity to hit Manny some more. Galindez pushes Manny back and punches Edward back, breaking his nose and blackening both his eyes. Another man comes out of the gay bar to Edward's defense, and it turns out to be Petty Officer Tiner (Chuck Carrington). Tiner is about to punch Galindez but stops when they recognize each other.
After the opening credits, the Baltimore police comes to JAG Headquarters with the intention of arresting Galindez for the gay-bashing incident the previous night. Admiral Chegwidden (John M. Jackson) will not allow that to happen, and asserts that the military judicial system will fairly ascertain Galindez's guilt or innocence. The civilians are not surprised when the judge, Captain Sebring (Corbin Bernsen) finds Galindez innocent. Soon after Galindez leaves the military courtroom, he's arrested by the Baltimore Police Department and taken off-base to be tried in a civilian courtroom for the same gay-bashing incident.
Does it make sense legally? Anyone viewing this episode attentively will be wondering "Can they really do that? Isn't it double jeopardy?" The writers (Donald Bellisario and Larry Moskowitz) anticipated this, so they have Manny visit Galindez at the civilian courtroom and ask about double jeopardy. Galindez replies that he was told that the federal government and the state government are technically two separate sovereignties and that "it's all in the Constitution." Manny is unconvinced by this, and so am I. Neither Manny nor Galindez are lawyers, and neither am I. So I could be missing something.
One can learn something about the law from TV and films, but sometimes one will run into false information. For example, in Bruce Beresford's film Double Jeopardy, a woman is tried and convicted of killing a man who is still alive. After serving some time, she is released on parole. Many people tell her that she can go ahead and kill the man she supposedly killed earlier in broad daylight and she wouldn't go to jail again. Real life lawyer Alan Dershowitz points out that in that scenario the facts of the case would be different: killing someone today is a very different crime from killing someone years ago. Furthermore, the parole board could just revoke her parole so that she serves the rest out the rest of the sentence she got in the first place (when she hadn't yet killed the man). Of course we can't use the film Double Jeopardy to nitpick JAG, but we can certainly use real life American laws.
Let's review what the Constitution actually says. The Fifth Amendment reads:

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

The words "nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb" seem pretty clear to me. I'm not quite so sure on whether or not the exception for "cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger" applies only to the need for a grand jury indictment, or if that exception applies to the rest of the clauses in the Amendment. Because if that's the case, then the writers are wrong to have Galindez arrested by the Baltimore police and Chegwidden not once complain about double jeopardy in open court.
The Tenth Amendment reads in whole: "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." Does that mean that an individual State has the power to try someone for something a federal court has found that person innocent? Or if Galindez is found innocent in the Maryland court, could he be taken to a Virginia court, or a Washington, D. C. court, or any other state court to be tried again and again until one of those courts finds him guilty? Or is this Amendment irrelevant to this argument?
To compare an example from real life: If O. J. Simpson was found innocent by a California jury of murdering Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman, could they have taken him to a federal court in the hopes that the federal jury would come up with a verdict more to their liking? His lawyers would immediately scream double jeopardy. To put O. J. Simpson in jail, he'd have to commit a different crime. Oh, wait a minute, he has (the Las Vegas robbery) and now he's going away to prison for at least a few years.
Anyway, trying Galindez a second time for the same offense is double jeopardy, even if it's in a different court. For what it's worth, that's my non-binding ruling on this fictional case. If you're a lawyer reading this, feel free to let me know if there's some legal subtlety I have overlooked here.