Respecting the roll and getting more cash

I would like to acknowledge Jay Leno's brilliant deconstruction of the Cottonelle "Respect the Roll" ad campaign on TV. Those ads are practically begging to be nitpicked and lampooned, but Jay Leno has beat me to the punch. The one he chose to focus on is one in which an elderly black couple spies on the bathroom of some neighbors across the street. Why are they spying on their neighbors, why does the neighbors' house have the toilet facing a window, and most importantly of all, how does it show "respect" to a roll of toilet paper to cover it up prior to using it for its ultimate purpose and denouement?

Another ad campaign that deserves a similar treatment is Capital One's "more cash" ad campaign with Jimmy Fallon. Everyone likes more cash, with the exception of a grumpy little baby, who expresses wordlessly how most grown-ups feel about Jimmy Fallon. It's bad enough we make our infant children compete in beauty pageants, now we must expose them to the evil, corrupting power of money as early as possible? But more importantly, and why hasn't this occurred to anyone else:

If you really want more cash, cancel your credit cards! And maybe get rid of your debit cards, too.

So we are supposed to feel grateful that the credit card companies, out of the exorbitant interest rates and fees that they charge us, return to us a tiny, trickling bit of that in the form of what is euphemistically called "cash rewards"? If you are not too ensnared in credit card debt, it is time to pay them all off, cancel them, and keep more of your hard-earned cash where you want it: in your wallet. What exactly have the credit card companies done that they deserve any cut of our hard-earned paychecks? Exactly!