G. I. Joe: A Ridiculous American Hero

Before watching this year's G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, I decided to at least glance at a few episodes of the old TV series. So I watched the first episode of G. I. Joe: A Real American Hero, titled "The Cobra Strikes." It was hilarious. Next time I complain about military inauthenticity in JAG, I will remember G. I. Joe. One thing I remembered about G. I. Joe is that for some reason the elite Joe unit did not care for having some sort of uniform or uniform item unique to them; instead, like superheroes, each Joe indulges his or her own unique fashion.

In that first episode of G. I. Joe, Duke, the leader of the Joes, is talking to one of his colleagues in the middle of an active runway. Yet he complains when a fighter jet passes by and almost smears his guts all over the place. Supposedly all of the Joes are well versed in how to fly jets, and they can take off at the drop of a hat, without a preflight checklist or anything.

Later, Duke goes to a military installation where a three-star General is worried that the place could be infiltrated prior to the launch of the Army's most powerful satellite. For some reason, the General has his cover on. Then there's the bean-counting Major Juanita Hooper, who is also wearing her cover even though at that point we're supposed to understand she's not armed. The General introduces her to Duke, who, without a cover on his head (I don't think he's ever worn one in the show), salutes Major Hooper. (Hooper soon reveals herself as being the Baroness, a member of Cobra).

This show, apparently meant for children, has many scenes of practically raining gunfire, yet hardly anyone tries to obtain cover behind a rock or something, but instead just stand their ground as if the bullets were pellets. I was thinking that maybe in the world portrayed in G. I. Joe, gunfire doesn't kill. But then when Duke shows up at Cobra headquarters and every foot soldier starts shooting at him, the Cobra Commander orders them to stop because he wants Duke alive for his gladiatorial arena.

In a later scene, the animators seem to think that a helicopter maneuvers the same as a fighter jet. Enough. I could go on and on.