No gray on gay

Maybe the coming out odyssey of Betty's nephew on Ugly Betty is entirely realistic, for after all, given the still rather sparse presence of gay portrayals in our media (including even Broadway musicals written by gay librettists and set to music by gay composers), a young gay boy would first think that he's straight and even have crushes on girls. I know because I dated one such boy in high school.

And yet it seems to me like the writers are beating us over the head with excessively obvious hints that Justin Suarez (Mark Indelicato) is gay. In last week's episode, Marc (Michael Urie), playing a ridiculous pronoun game, got Justin to reveal the name of his acting class crush: Lily, a she. In this week's episode, however, we saw happen what the writers apparently think we couldn't see coming from a mile away: that the real object of Justin's desire in the love triangle is Austin (Ryan McGinniss), who didn't get to kiss Lily onstage but did backstage, and made sure Justin saw them. In the jealous confrontation between the boys that starts out heteronormatively enough, they kiss. It is as obvious to the viewers as it is surprising to the two characters, who had not even admitted to themselves their true orientation.

But let's not forget that straight and gay is not black and white. Whatever gay inclinations all of us have remain for most of us unacted upon to our deaths. However, prior to the new guidelines on homosexuality for the military, bisexuality was just as damning as homosexuality. With this in mind I watched on DVD an episode from JAG's tenth season, "Heart of Darkness." The main plot of that episode concerns the trial in an Islamic court of the "American warlord." In the subplot, Big Bud (Jeff MacKay) is recalled to active duty, something which he wants to avoid at all costs so that he may continue to run his bar and referee women's wrestling.

So Big Bud, after talking to his son the JAG lawyer, gets the idea of faking an addiction to meth. The female corpsman examining him medically sees right through this pretense. Frustrated, Bud claims he's gay and that he finds men attractive. So the woman gets the idea of whispering either sweet nothings or dirty talk in the man's ear (I wonder if female medical professionals in the military in real life would do that), and seeing the, ahem, tent, in the man's hospital gown, is convinced that she has completely foiled his attempt to avoid the recall by manipulating the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

For those of us who watched the show regularly, we know that Big Bud is very much straight, fitting some of the very worst stereotypes of the salty sailor. Therefore, it doesn't occur to us that Bud could be bisexual; whether out of necessity or legitimate desire doesn't actually matter under the military's policy. But it should occur to someone evaluating the fitness for duty of a given patient. All that the female corpsman proved with her performance is that Bud finds her attractive, it doesn't rule out that some man could arouse the same reaction from the subject. Though I suppose we could argue that it is the expression on Bud's face after the corpsman points out his 'tent' that really proves that he's in fact neither gay nor bi, an expression that says "Okay, you caught me in a lie."

Not as funny in the recycling

The show: Boston Legal
The episode: "Do Tell," the fourth episode of Season 4.
What happened: Miguel Obispo (Rolando Molina) wants to take his son to Mexico so that the child may participate in more bullfighting matches, but the mother refuses out of concern that their son could die in the arena, so Miguel goes to Crane, Poole & Schmidt for legal representation. Since Miguel can't speak English even though he understands it, a nun translates for him in court.
Meanwhile, Shirley represents General Mark Fitzgerald (Sam McMurray), a gay soldier, closeted for most of his career, who now wants to sue the Army over its "don't ask don't tell policy."
What doesn't quite make sense: The character of Miguel Obispo had been introduced in the previous episode, "The Chicken and the Leg," which established that Miguel understands English but can only speak Spanish. Even if we buy the idea that such people exist (most native Spanish speakers I know have made at least some effort to speak English), didn't it occur to the writers that the translating nun might be getting tiresome to the viewers? This time, we even see that Miguel realizes that the nun has gotten off track into sexual double entendre, and the joke is much less satisfying because the double entendre is at a somewhat farther remove from what Miguel said. Though I'm basing that assessment on my limited knowledge of Spanish; regardless, using the translating nun again is contrived and unfunny.
And another thing: Judge Brown's ruling at the end is a nice bit of fantasy. On the other hand, it does leave some bit of ambiguity for the Army: to leave that fine soldier "alone" could very well mean to punish him in other ways, like giving him some very crappy non-command duty.

Alice's breach of contract

The show: The L-Word
The episodes: "Let's Get This Party Started" and "Looking at You, Kid," two consecutive episodes from Season 5, now available on DVD.
What happened: Alice is invited to a super-secret party for Hollywood homosexuals. It's so secretive, Alice says guests have to sign confidentiality agreements. Alice goes with Tasha, who apparently feels comfortable enough about going to this party without giving more evidence to the U. S. Army that she's gay. Inside, Tasha identifies a famous basketball player, dancing with a man. Alice surreptitiously shoots video on her cell phone of the two men dancing.
In the next episode, the famous basketball player makes it very clear that he's not gay and will not tolerate gays on his team. Alice decides to out him by podcasting the video she shot. Alice's podcast goes viral, forcing the famous basketball player to admit to his hypocrisy, but also causing Tasha to confront Alice over her double-standard: outing a basketball player but trying to not out a soldier (Tasha).
Where is the other shoe: So I've watched the whole season except for the season finale, and I haven't seen anyone call Alice on her breach of contract. Did she not sign the contract? And with all the information that the She-bar owner is digging up on Shane on her friends (such as the fact that Jenny's film production team didn't get permits to shoot in the neighborhood, or that Ivan Aycock has a 51% stake in Kit's bar) how could she miss that Alice so clearly and publically breached her contract?