Quick, what's the number for 911?

The show: Boston Legal
The episode: "Oral Contracts," the eighth episode of Season 4.
What happened: Denny gets arrested for soliciting a gay prostitute in a courthouse restroom, and asks Alan Shore to represent him. Naturally, Denny considers his predicament an "emergency," and says so in a conversation with Alan and Lorraine (Saffron Burrows), who is running to an elevator, and who concludes the conversation casually suggesting they should call 999. Katie (Tara Summers) happens to overhear the conversation, and the mention of 999, the emergency phone number in England, reinforces her sneaking suspicion that Lorraine is in fact British and has worked to disguise her provenance.
Katie encounters Lorraine at the firm's library and confronts her about her past. Lorraine reveals that in England she was married to a Pakistani man, whom she cheated on. Her "co-adulterer" died in an 'accident,' prompting Lorraine to move to America to escape the 'honor' killing. Lorraine asks Katie to keep her confidence, but Katie tells her colleague Whitney, who has dug up some information on Lorraine.
Meanwhile, Shirley represents a shock jock fired from his station for making fun of old people.
What doesn't make sense: Ignoring for now the idea that male adulterers are ever the subject of 'honor' killings (after all, the 'accident' could have been meant only for Lorraine, or it could be the case that the "co-adulterer" is in fact a woman), does it make sense that Lorraine would continue to think of the emergency phone number as 999 rather than 911? This sort of mistake would be understandable from almost any other Brit expatriate, but given what we just learned of Lorraine's background, it's ridiculous. Think about it: this woman goes to the trouble of learning to speak with an American accent, yet she doesn't bother to fix it on her mind that the emergency phone number is 911 here. When she sees some Pakistanis closing in on her house (a distinct possibility given that she chastised Katie for putting her life in danger with her disclosure to Whitney), can Lorraine afford the delay of fumbling with the wrong number?
Or it could be that Lorraine has programmed the emergency button on her phone to 911, but then doesn't it occur to her that she could ever have to call the police from some other phone? Or maybe she just said 999 because she knew Katie was listening and wanted to tip her off. But why?

Not as funny in the recycling

The show: Boston Legal
The episode: "Do Tell," the fourth episode of Season 4.
What happened: Miguel Obispo (Rolando Molina) wants to take his son to Mexico so that the child may participate in more bullfighting matches, but the mother refuses out of concern that their son could die in the arena, so Miguel goes to Crane, Poole & Schmidt for legal representation. Since Miguel can't speak English even though he understands it, a nun translates for him in court.
Meanwhile, Shirley represents General Mark Fitzgerald (Sam McMurray), a gay soldier, closeted for most of his career, who now wants to sue the Army over its "don't ask don't tell policy."
What doesn't quite make sense: The character of Miguel Obispo had been introduced in the previous episode, "The Chicken and the Leg," which established that Miguel understands English but can only speak Spanish. Even if we buy the idea that such people exist (most native Spanish speakers I know have made at least some effort to speak English), didn't it occur to the writers that the translating nun might be getting tiresome to the viewers? This time, we even see that Miguel realizes that the nun has gotten off track into sexual double entendre, and the joke is much less satisfying because the double entendre is at a somewhat farther remove from what Miguel said. Though I'm basing that assessment on my limited knowledge of Spanish; regardless, using the translating nun again is contrived and unfunny.
And another thing: Judge Brown's ruling at the end is a nice bit of fantasy. On the other hand, it does leave some bit of ambiguity for the Army: to leave that fine soldier "alone" could very well mean to punish him in other ways, like giving him some very crappy non-command duty.

Roger: alien about town

In last night's episode of American Dad!, we learn that Roger was part of the 1980 U. S. Olympic hockey team as "Chex Lemeneux," and that he has been going to a reunion party with the team for the past thirty years. Also, a fat woman has sex with Roger.

What's the problem with those revelations? Maybe nothing. However, I seem to vaguely remember something about Roger not being allowed to leave the Smith house in the first season of the show, something about people realizing he's an extraterrestrial. As for the sex, I remember Roger being very surprised (and underwhelmed) at seeing a human penis for the first time in "Stan of Arabia" (whether Part I or II, I can't remember at the moment). I would think any woman would realize there is something odd about where Roger's region for reproduction would be expected to be.

Does any of this add up to one workable nit? I'm not sure, you tell me.

Which is the official school closing station?

Another "Severe Weather Alert Day" in the metro Detroit viewing area, at least that's what WDIV, the NBC affiliate here, calls snow days. They also call themselves "the official school closing station." That title might be more appropriate for WXYZ, the ABC affiliate. They reduce the Good Morning America display significantly to show the school closings, but much more than WDIV reduced the display of the Today show. More importantly, however, WXYZ kept up the display of school closings through the commercials. Not so WDIV, which promptly removed the school closing display well in advance of commercials.

Thank goodness it was only a fantasy

The show: Scrubs
The episode: "My Porcelain God," from Season 3.
What happened: Dr. Reed (Sarah Chalke) is suddenly having trouble with intubation, a medical procedure she had no trouble with when she was starting out at Sacred Heart three years ago. (Don't ask me what intubation is, I'm no doctor and the extent of my knowledge is derived from this show: it involves sticking a metal tube into a patient and attaching that to a semi-rigid balloon). She goes to Dr. Kevin Casey (Michael J. Fox) for advice, but he's way more concerned with his contradictory impulses for a toilet the Janitor (Neil Flynn) has installed on the roof: he wants to touch it because of his OCD, but he doesn't want to touch it because of his germophobia.
Both doctors' problems are tied together at the end of the episode when Dr. Reed finds a Polaroid picture of Dr. Casey using the roof toilet. Reed then uses the roof toilet and a medical emergency helicopter brings a patient needing intubation. Reed finds the confidence to intubate the patient, and is rewarded with a kiss from Casey. But that was just a fantasy. Nevertheless, Reed has regained the confidence to do intubations again.
What doesn't quite make sense: It worries me that if I ever have to heloed into a hospital and the only available doctor has been using the facilities installed on said roof, there might be no soap and water for the good doctor, or at least an antibacterial cream. It doesn't take years of medical training to see the potential for contamination and infection in such a scenario.
I know that bit about the patient being heloed in was a fantasy (indeed the whole show is a fantasy), but the rarity of hand-washing on a medical show is troubling. In almost a decade of watching this show, I can count on the fingers of one hand how often we see the doctors washing their hands prior to a medical procedure. Now, in the other episode with Michael J. Fox guest-starring as the troubled Dr. Casey, we saw the poor man washing his hands repeatedly after a procedure, but that was clearly because of the OCD rather than health concerns.
Maybe the intubation apparatus was designed to somehow compensate for the fact that it might not always be used under the most hygienic condictions. In fact, the whole intubation procedure seems to be an emergency procedure. Here we get to the detail that doesn't quite make sense: If I'm right about intubation being an emergency procedure, with no time for doctors to carefully and methodically consider all alternatives, but instead being required to act quickly, why exactly is it that the procedure requires a doctor to do it, and that emergency medical technicians aren't trained in it?

The crushed flusher

The show: Ally McBeal
The episode: "World's Without Love," from Season 2, now on Disc 2 for that season.
What happened: Georgia (Courtney Thorne-Smith) is sitting on a toilet in the unisex, reading National Law Review, when she hears a weird gurgling noise. She gets up from the toilet when Stephan (John's pet frog, presumed dead in the previous episode) jumps out of the toilet bowl and onto Georgia's face. Horrified, she gets out of the stall and throws the frog over to Nelle (Portia de Rossi) who tosses the animal back to Georgia and Georgia throws him back to Nelle but Richard (Greg Germann) opens the door to his stall and Stephan hits the door and falls to the floor. Soon there are a lot of people around the frog, when they hear the sound of a toilet being remotely flushed. Nelle stalls John (Peter MacNicol), who likes "a fresh bowl," from the entering the unisex bathroom to give Elaine (Jane Krakowski) time to sneak the frog out and over to a vet.
Why it doesn't quite make sense: Putting aside for a minute that we're supposed to believe that a frog could survive in septic plumbing for at least a couple of days, didn't John destroy his remote flusher in the previous episode?
Let's remember how Stephan came to be presumed dead in the previous episode, "Story of Love:" The frog was on the toilet seat of John's preferred stall, but when Richard tried to pick him up, he instead jumped into the bowl. At that very moment, John, about to enter the unisex, pushed the button on his remote flusher, causing Stephan to be flushed away. Later in the episode, Elaine collects the pieces of the remote flusher. It seems that John, angry at himself for pushing the button and causing Stephan's death, took his anger out on the device. Makes sense, given how much he loved that frog.
Now, in this episode, John is using the remote flusher again. I find it a little hard to believe that he'd go back to using it so casually. Even if he had a spare, wouldn't he be a little more judicious in its use, such as checking that the bowl contains only things he wants flushed? This also raises an issue of courtesy: if we're to believe that the most famous restroom in television history is the only restroom at the offices of Cage & Fish, where at least two dozen people are employed, wouldn't John be extremely rude in remotely flushing a toilet that might be in use by someone else?

Sad state of the Animation Domination

Yesterday I happened to catch a snippet of The Simpsons in the middle. Agnes was reminiscing how she participated in the Olympics long, long ago, while pregnant (weirdly paralleled in real life in Vancouver today), and baby Seymour's kick within her belly cost her the gold. Back in the present, Seymour says he remembers that. As big a grain of salt recollections from the womb would normally require, this one requires a huge monolith of salt. For one thing, "Seymour Skinner" is really Armin Tamzarian, who usurped the real Seymour's name and life after Vietnam. It's as if the show is begging to be nitpicked. One thing it's not begging for is laughs. Which reminded me why I had stopped watching the show. I turned off the TV, not to turn it on again until just before The Cleveland Show, in time to catch Homer dancing with a half-section of his face. Huh? Who cares.

On The Cleveland Show, Cleveland Jr. gets "pregnant" with Rollo's fish. You can just see the miscarriage coming from miles away. At least on TV they had to decency to describe it (likening it to Louisiana cuisine) rather than showing it; any sickos who would've actually liked to see that will probably be satisfied by the DVD. This is one episode I don't care to ever watch again, on any medium. Come to think of it, I should perhaps stop watching this show altogether.

Then on Family Guy, Chris is inexplicably enamored of a retarded girl who turns out to be Sarah Palin's daughter (Palin is not explicitly mentioned in that regard, but it's quite obvious that's who they were thinking of). Coming at the end of such a dreadful evening, American Dad! did not look so bad, and even had a few chuckles.

What's in a title?

I think this is a first for this blog: I'm going to nitpick a title. The tenth season of JAG begins with an episode titled "Hail and Farewell, Part II." That makes sense given that the ninth season ended with an episode titled "Hail and Farewell," which felt a little bit like a cliffhanger, at least in that we were left not knowing who'd replace Admiral Chegwidden nor what Mac told Harm about her medical condition. (Notice that "Part 1" was not labeled "Part I" nor was there a "To Be Continued" title card at the end).

In the so-called "Part 2," we are told that Sturgis is the Acting JAG and that Captain Krennick is being considered as the permanent replacement. But most of the rest of the episode is occupied with a bunch of cloak-and-dagger stuff about Clayton Webb not really being dead. It seems that the writers ran out of cute puns on the spook's name (like "Webb of Lies" and "A Tangled Webb"). But would it have been that hard to come up with something more appropriate to the episode's plot than "Hail and Farewell, Part II," like "Laying Low" or "Mercenary" or "The Hawk"? It's a worse rip-off than the Star Trek: The Next Generation two-parter in which Part 2 completely ignored the Data dreaming storyline presented in Part 1 to focus completely on some boring Klingons.

Call me Vucelich, Chip Vucelich

It's almost not worth mentioning, but in the end credits for "Retrial," the third episode of JAG's tenth season, co-producer Chip Vucelich's name is misspelled as "Chip Veucelich." He's also a unit production manager, and his name is correctly spelled a few screens later for his credit for that job. The IMDb does not notice this, but onscreen-credits.com does (see http://www.onscreen-credits.com/JAG/20041015g.html).

I don't think I noticed this the first time I saw the episode, when it aired, as the end credits were probably crunched to the left or the bottom of the screen to make room for a commercial. On the DVD (which came out just a couple of days ago), with the old-fashioned credits, the misspelled name sticks out like a sore thumb. But don't shed any tears for Chip, he gets plenty of correctly spelled credits on other JAG episodes, as well as Martial Law, Without a Trace and others.

Of course Daddy's your Valentine

I'm already sick and tired of Hallmark's Valentine's Day commercial, I sure hope not to see it on any channel come February 15. The idea that children, who have some vague awareness that their existing owes something to Mom and Dad doing some thing or other, would think that Daddy is not Mommy's Valentine is quite ridiculous. Children are due more credit in the knowledge department than they're normally given.

Senior partner does HR stuff

In "Beauty and the Beast," the Season 4 opener for Boston Legal, Shirley Schmidt (Candice Bergen) sticks the new associate Katie Lloyd (Tara Summers) in Jerry Espenson's office, explaining that Jerry (Christian Clemenson) had volunteered to share his office with the newest hire on account of office space being in short supply. From the start it seemed to me like a plot contrivance to put these two characters in the same office, given that lawyers at big firms typically get their own offices all to themselves, even associates fresh out of law school.

Well, that being a contrivance was confirmed in the next episode, "The Innocent Man," in which Shirley hires Lorraine Weller (Saffron Burrows), the very lawyer who had opposed Alan Shore (James Spader) in the previous episode, trying to get Shirley to pay up the money she had pledged to Stanford University. Carl Sack (John Larroquette) goes to Lorraine's new office to drool at her as she works on her new office's decor. Maybe another lawyer got fired in between the two episodes and for some reason Shirley didn't want to mention it in telling Alan that Lorraine had been hired. Still, it seems to me like an important little detail got past the story editor and the producers.

The judge stepped out for a minute

Here's one that Phil Farrand would probably file under "Continuity & Production Problems:" in the early Matlock episode "The Author," Ben Matlock (Andy Griffith) questions Mary Ann Newton (Audra Lindley), the author of the steamy, semi-fictional novel Secret Confessions, hated by everyone in the small town of Hastings and presumed to be the intended target of a murder that claimed the life of the town preacher.

Matlock has come to believe that the preacher, himself an aspiring author rejected by several publishing houses, is the true author of Secret Confessions, and that Mary Ann wanted him dead so the truth of the book's authorship never came out. Since the preacher was killed in Mary Ann's house, it was natural for everyone to assume that the killer meant the bullet for Mary Ann. However, Mary Ann is much more concerned with asserting her authorship of the book than with asserting her innocence (or guilt) in the murder of the preacher.

As Margaret repeats her claim to authorship of Secret Confessions over and over again, the camera pulls back to emphasize her smallness and aloneness in the vast courtroom. But where did the judge go? For that matter, where did Ben go? Ben's absence from the shot is easier to justify; we can just say he went back to his chair next to his client. I suppose we could chalk the judge's absence from the shot to artistic license: Mary Ann is suddenly as literally alone as she was figuratively. But I have to seriously wonder if anyone thought about calling the actor playing the judge back to the set for that shot.

A little snow is falling: Help, the world is ending!

I live in the metro Detroit area, I won't be any more specific than that. In this part of Michigan, the NBC affiliate is WDIV, whose news division has introduced "Severe Weather Alert Days" with "escalated coverage" on those days designated as "Severe Weather Alert Days" by that station's weather forecasters.

They had been advertising the "Severe Weather Alert Days" for at least a couple of weeks ago now, but I think today is the first such day. About three inches of snow are expected today, with a much more massive snowfall predicted for tomorrow. Supposedly, the point of "Severe Weather Alert Days" isn't to scare viewers; they say so. But really, given how warm yesterday was, I'd be scared if it wasn't snowing today.

Low to medium computer literacy

The show: Medium
The episode: "Will the Real Fred Rovick Please Stand Up?" First aired last Friday on CBS.
What happened: For some reason, almost every man looks like Diedrich Bader to Allison. (On the IMDb, the actor Diedrich Bader is identified as playing the character of Fred Rovick, but in a very real sense, Bader also plays Joe Dubois and Detective Lee Scanlon in this episode, as well as quite a few other characters). This complicates Allison's work on a murder case, because even though she dreams the murder, both the murderer and the victim look the same to Allison (both are played by Diedrich Bader). Allison is still able to give sufficient information to the police to catch the killer. Eventually, Allison figures out that the reason that the reason so many people show the same face to her is that they're the people who've fallen pray to an identity fraud scam perpetrated by the man who actually has that face, the real Fred Rovick. Near the end of the episode, Lee and Allison figure out that the scam was perpetrated by sending out e-mails spoofing the city, claiming that the recipient's voting district had changed. People who opened the e-mails allowed a program into their systems which stole their private financial information, allowing Fred Rovick to clean out their bank accounts.
What doesn't quite make sense: Just reading an e-mail is not enough to inadvertently install Trojan malware on your computer. You have to take the step of downloading the infected attachment. For what plausible reason could an e-mail titled "Your voting district has changed" have an attachment? If such an e-mail is legitimate, all that it needs to tell you is what your new district is and where the polling location is; both these things can be accomplished with plain text. Maybe a legitimate sender would include a JPEG with a map of the new district and polling location; you can't put Trojan viruses in a JPEG.
Now, a video is starting to stretch it, but it is plausible and videos can contain Trojan viruses. However, the episode doesn't say that a video was attached to the fraudulent e-mail, and in fact makes it sound like the mere act of reading the e-mail infects the recipient's computer. But consider also the human factor: if you get an e-mail telling you your voting district has changed, how likely are you to delete it without even reading it? I doubt many people would fall for it. In the episode, Allison deletes the e-mail without reading it because she knows the city's computer systems have recently experienced some malfunctions. But even without that knowledge, Allison's reaction to the message seems perfectly realistic to me.

Racism for its own sake

I had commented before that Family Guy now seems to be more about being offensive than about being funny. After watching the newest episode last night, in which Meg becomes a hardened criminal, it becomes clearer to me that the brand of offensiveness the Family Guy writers are most interested in is racial.

When the maid Consuela goes to visit her grown son in jail, she actually Windexes the glass separating them. Oh my God, oh please. Much worse near the end: Meg decides not to rob Mort Goldman's pharmacy and leaves with Brian, causing Mort to express relief at not being robbed and then greet "four fine Black gentlemen" who are not even seen onscreen. Nothing good can possibly be inferred from that, either for Blacks or Jews. I hope Black people are faring better in The Cleveland Show.